My Grandpa

There is a saying, "Grandpas have silver in their hair and gold in their hearts." My grandfather is very ill at this time and while I know it is inevitable that his time will come to go home with the Lord I don't think you can ever be truly ready. I didn't have much of a relationship with my grandparents growing up but the few interactions I had have remained imbedded in my mind forever. I can never eat a soft pretzel without being magically transported back to being a 9 year old little girl when my grandpa took us to get fresh soft pretzels from the factory in Pennsylvania. I remember being so timid to ask for more than just the pretzel but I wanted cream cheese with it and he told me "a pretzel just needs mustard" that is my favourite way to eat my pretzels now. When I eat swiss cheese I think of Lebanon bologna and swiss cheese on rye bread at a park in Pennsylvania. Grandpa took us there after we went to the Green Dragon flea market in Ephrata. I think of how he would let me come into his woodworking shop and let me use his soldering tool to make my name in scrap wood and he helped me make things for my siblings. I remember how haunting it sounds when he plays his guitar in the morning and sings "Farther Along". I love how he always wears Dickies, except for church of course. I love how even though he has 18 grandchildren he has always makes each of us feel special and loved. What I love most of all is how he is always praying for me. I know when my grandfather goes home to be with his Heavenly Father he will be rewarded greatly with a "Well done my good and faithful servant" but I know earth will have lost a prayer warrior, a pastor, a husband, a father, a grandpa, a great grandpa, a confidant, a counselor, and a friend. He is truly a man after God's own heart, he has dedicated his life to loving people. The loss for me will be immense but then my little 7 year old daughter made a statement at the dinner table tonight that reminds me to rejoice. She basically said that God only wants good for us and that he will never let something happen that isn't in his will. If it is great grandpa's time to go to heaven then it must be good. That is the legacy my grandfather will leave behind. A legacy of love for people and God! He has pure gold in his heart.

The sun is out, the ground is dry....

There is nothing better than packing the kids up to go to the park on a beautiful day.  I took my 3 youngest and my beautiful niece to Freedom Park today. They love this park because it is big and beautiful and they can watch the planes fly overhead.  They love to look at the airplanes in the Aerospace Museum next door. Koen loves to throw his frisbee at the trees. They like to pack up their snacks and get ready to go. We went on the swings, and visited the butterfly garden, and Koen mastered climbing up the rock wall.  It was fun and this is one of the best things about being a stay at home mom. I am so thankful that God has blessed my family and my husband so I can be with my children.

Viva La Mexico!

This afternoon we realized Emmaleigh hadn't done her "Field Study Day" project for school yet. So Dane had this plan to do this special effects thing with her but that got to be so stressful we decided to change up and do it on Mexico and just do a quick research project. Then we made "authentic" Mexican food. Okay, we made enchiladas. I think it is slightly authentic.  They were really good and I got the recipe from one of my favourite food bloggers Gina.  It was really fun to cook with her and learn a little bit about Mexico. There were many facts about Mexico that I was unaware of, such as, did you know that Mexico isn't Catholic? That they only incorporated Catholicism into their religions because of the Spaniards.  They actually practice ancient Nahua which is a compilation of different beliefs from different tribes. I found it very interesting.  The sad part of the night was when Emmaleigh realized we weren't making Fajitas but we were making Enchiladas. I have never seen her so upset. She was so bummed. We tried to pull her out of "the depths of despair" by offering to go get her a Jimboy's Quesadilla but there was no pleasing her. Then I remembered I had some Chevy's salsa from Costco. She was satisfied and the night was saved. Add that to a wii game we rented it ended in a super fun night for her!

Change isn't just for the Homeless

  It is for you and me. 
  So I went to this conference today and let me say it was AMAZING! Anywho I wanted to share this verse that really touched me. 


"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead fix your attention on God.  You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity. God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2 MSG


  How many times do you find yourself stooping to a level of immaturity because we have become like those around us?  I know I do. I forget to keep my eyes on God and to remember that he has plans for me. He wants to know me intimately. He wants to change me. He wants to develop a "well formed maturity" in me. He has a DESTINY for me! He has given me a life inside and wants me to live out those plans and dreams. 
  God doesn't want us in a box with only a little light shining through, he wants us to be free of addictions, hurts, problems, pain and curses. He wants us to claim his promises of love, affection, joy, and trust. He wants me to let go of the loneliness, the pain, the rejection, the hopelessness, the anger, the rage, the criticism, and the self hatred.  
  To a new life, to change, and to growth.

Nashville, Tracy, anywhere but Sacramento

Dane had to go on a business trip this week to Nashville for some training. I knew it was going to be a long week with 4 kids on my own.  I love each and everyone of my children, but what I love more is that break at the end of the day when Daddy comes home and rescues Mommy from all the chaos.  I decided that I shouldn't risk a nervous breakdown so I came to Tracy to stay with my very good friend.  My friend Tracey, who lives in Tracy, and her husband David graciously allowed me and my four children to hang out with them.  So we arrived yesterday and we don't leave until Friday, unless we are asked to leave earlier, and I have decided to kick back and enjoy this time away from my home and focus on my kids.  It is going to be a fun week.  So far all is well minus a few tears last night when they missed their Daddy tucking them into bed.

She did it

So Emmaleigh has been playing basketball for about a month now and tonight she scored her first basket in practice. I am SO PROUD of her. She is my sweetheart and I love her so much but seriously, other than me, the  world's most uncoordinated child. She is bright, funny, friendly, and loving but she is NOT athletic. When she dribbles the ball she also is dribbling herself. She jumps with the ball it is hilarious.  The thing I love most about Emmaleigh is she is having fun. I think she knows she isn't as good as the other girl's but she is having a blast anyway.  I hope she always stays this open with no fear of being embarrassed but just living life in the moment and trying things she may not be good at. I <3 that girl!

Habits

They say it takes 27 days to form a new habit. I have decided when it comes to food I am not going to try and break bad habits, I am going to only form new ones.  Webster's defines a habit as an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary. I have decided my new habit that I am going to form is to eat at least 3 fruits and veggies a day! 


My whole life I have eaten poorly. Mostly, as a child, out of necessity.  As an adult out of gluttony. In April of 2008 I had Roux-en-Y gastric bypass. I went from 278 lbs. down to a low of 151. Gastric bypass gave me the kick start I needed to be thin and healthy without having to do the REALLY hard work.  I became very regimented into a work out routine.  I was doing really well. Then it all stopped. I am here now almost 3 years post op and I have gained back 22 pounds. I WILL NOT BE OBESE AGAIN!  Granted I did have a pregnancy and baby this last year but I also know it is due to a lot of bad eating habits. It is those late night snacks, the big macs, the chicken burritos, the western bacon cheeseburgers. You can't eat those things and not have them catch up to you.  So I started doing Weight Watchers.  What do you know, my husband joined me for this ride.  I am not dieting. I am modifying the way I eat and the way I view food. Food is here to sustain me. Food is not here to entertain me. (I rhymed, didn't mean to) 


I have officially begun a healthier way of eating. If I want a Big Mac, I will have one.  Just because I have one doesn't mean I have screwed up the whole week and to let it get to me and ruin the rest of the week.  I just start anew the next day.  So here is my list of new habits I am adopting.


1. I WILL weigh myself only on Wednesday mornings.
2. I WILL eat at least 3 fruits and veggies a day.
3. I WILL remember to take my multi-vitamin
4. I WILL enjoy one special treat a day
5. I WILL journal my food so I remember what I have eaten 
6. I WILL lose 30 pounds and weigh in at 140


This is my chance to get it together on my own. I don't want to be heavy anymore. I don't want to be struggling with a sense of hopelessness. I want my daughter to not be scared of food anymore. She sees my struggles and negative self talk and is mirroring me. I don't want that. I want her to be healthy and beautiful and not have to worry about her weight. Those habits start with me. I will form new habits this year. 

When your plan backfires

Tonight it was supposed to be Tuscany Tuesday, but when I opened my crisper to get the cheese...I found out that my cheese had gone moldy. I know in some third world countries they just cut off the mold, but for me I couldn't even look at it and feel okay about serving it. So I had to come up with a new plan and with hardly anything in my cabinets. (I really need to go grocery shopping)  So I made shrimp sauteed in garlic and butter, served over rice. It was delicious. It just reminded me of when Dane and I first married. I was a HORRIBLE COOK! I couldn't even cook boxed food. I burned a frozen lasagna. I boiled the beta fish that I left on my stove top.  Attention to detail was not my strong point.  Dane liked his mom's cooking more than mine. (Who could blame him? Although at the time I sure did). We lived on Pasta Roni. It was a sad existence indeed.  Then about 2 years ago I decided I was going to learn to cook. I have since found that I have a passion for making good food. I love watching others enjoy the food I make. I feel validated when I receive a compliment about my cooking. I know it sounds odd probably to others but I truly feel elated when I see my family enjoy their supper. What started as my own project of getting my cooking to where my husband looked forward to it, has turned into a passion. I now think of the conversation we will have as a family around the table. I think of who will eat what and will they enjoy it. I think of happiness and funny comments that will be made.  Most of all I think of is that someday they will be grown and gone and my table will be quiet and empty and I will have only 2 to cook for, will I be able to reduce my meals and shopping enough to where my cheese doesn't go moldy? Or will I notice it is going bad and call my kids and their families over to have a supper made by their mom and hope they enjoy all the love I poured into every ingredient.

It's Early

So here I am sitting in the silence of my house. The kids are still asleep except for Keagan who is sitting next to me chowing down on his bottle. All I can think of is the chaos that will ensue when these kermunchkins wake up. I love being a mom and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. You see, the chaos is worth it, the fighting is worth it, the tears are worth it, the potty accidents are worth it, because in the end there is love in this home. We might have days of chaos and we might have days of poor discipline and shouting but at the end of the day there are hugs and smiles and love. When we tuck those kidlets into bed and ask them what their favourite part of the day was, there is never a child who couldn't say something (except Keagan since he can't speak). In fact if they think we are going to forget to ask them, they remind us! For our kids they think we're grand. When I see myself failing as a parent, they do something that makes me think, they do understand and my hard work is paying off. Thank you God for getting me through these days. Thank you for guiding my children's hearts and guarding them when I am not able to protect them. Thank you for sustaining their lives and giving them such happiness and joy. Thank you for providing a home for them so I will be able to enjoy them for eternity.

Joshua 24:15
But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day who you will serve, whether it be the god of your forefathers from across the river or the god of the Amorites in whose land you are living, but as for me and my house we will serve the Lord.